Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because
it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the
road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation
and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the
road...

SARAH PALIN: Because by golly, I was gonna shoot
his sorry liberal butt for blocking my view of Russia!

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I
personally helped that little chicken to cross the road.
This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right
from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the
chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really
isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the
chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the
chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground
here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you
can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing
the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that
chicken. What is your definition of crossing?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken
cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross,
and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We
need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this
chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the
problem on this side of the road before it goes after the
problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is
help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on
his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is
having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so
bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his
mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm
going to give this chicken a car so that he c an just drive
across the road and not live his life like the rest of the
chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe
here is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have
access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because
he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he
walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent,
hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which
way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the
Farmers Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a
certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he
cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but
why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay!
Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why
they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken
is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay,
too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with
seemingly harmless phrases like the other side. That
chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain
and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the
chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken
crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a
few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for
the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross
the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world
crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008,
which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file
your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This
new platform is much more stable and will never crash.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the
road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?